New Hair +Insanity

Good afternoon.

Good? Fuck that. Its not good at all.

New hair. Dyed it red two days ago [bright red] and got it cut yesterday. The... basic emo cut. The back is short and spiked ,the front, side bangs.

It looks cool... Too bad there's no reason to have it.


Second.. I'm going literally insane with this damned child. I don't fucking care if she's my halfsister. She never shuts the fuck up and it driving me mad. Legit. I'm about to start a riot somewhere because I need to take out my anger, and destroying my mother's stuff in her house is not needed.

I stop anger through violence. Hence, last night. I dented a solid wall [punched it]... I damaged my expensive violin because I threw it on the floor against a wall... I broke my mp3 player [the corner's scratched and cracked]....


And now I have a fucking suicidal mother. She just said "If I was stupid, I'd become a drinker again. Drink away my problems. Easy way to forget shit." She also said to my stupid stepfather on the phone, "Why? There's no fucking sense to anymore [living]. I hate my life."

She sounds like an emo teenager.

And she got mad at me for being depressed and cutting my wrist/arm and dressing in black and wearing eyeliner, etc, for 3+ years.

I've managed to overcome the depression on my own. But now she's diagnosed with depression, has wanted to kill herself for 2 years....... And she wonders why I'm pissed off...

Because I don't want to deal with a screaming-24/7-baby, being forced to do all the work here because my stupid 18y.o brother doesn't do shit... and I don't need to deal with her freaking out on me for nothing.

Its called- I have school -I'm quitting next year-, I have co-op every day.. I never get a break .Ever. Not even on weekends. I've got maybe an hour to do nothing before all the anger, yelling, arguing and work starts up again.

Great life!

Somebody fucking send me either to a mental hospital [there's a psycho one here! :D ... -_-] or to fucking foster homes or my dad's.

My mother won't even let me see my dad and says he's a dumbass, idiot, asshole, fucked-up-in-the-head, etc... she says "At least I don't have to bear the fucking last name of an idiot". Well... how about she thinks a little further. I'm still of that last name, he's still my dad... but she doesn't give a shit.

I am literally THE only one in my so-called family who still loves him and misses him, other than my eldest [21y.o] brother ,whose lived with him since he was 16.

My dad left when I was one, what do people expect? Sure, I'm still not 100% comfortable around him because I never really knew him. I never truly had a dad. I grew up with a strict-as-fuck mother and two older brothers who picked on me and harrassed me 24/7.

But she doesn't realize that. Because she's too into her fucking 4 month old bitch and the asshole she married for some reason. She expects us to like him? Like hell. Why would I like a bastardous man who destroyed my life?

I grew up with no father. That was hard enough. Now I'm a stressed-out-24/7 teenager. I thought my life might get better, but its only continued to get worse because that idiot came into my sorry life.

Excuse my ranting. She can't take it anymore? Take a look at your 15 year old transsexual son whom nobody supports or pays attention to. Everything's for the stupid kid and the asshole. And she wants me to live happily and get over my anger? Pretty fucking hard to do that if I hate my life because of whose in it.

Everything was better when I had my boyfriend/fiance. Its been over 3 months since we've been broken up --we broke up three times before then, too-- and we're dying to be back together .I just don't want to deal with the people around me.

...........Seriously. Send me away. Now. 


Before I kill someone. Not myself... no, I got over that. But someone else. Like this child.


Goodbye.