Hi!
I just noticed I've gotten a lot of pageviews here, and you're probably wondering what the hell happened to me.
Well, to be honest, I don't know. I just stopped signing in one day. Blogger isn't my thing. Tumblr is, though! Mhm. So, a lot has happened. Nothing good. Uh, name change. Aviur. Because I hate "Matt" and it was too different frommmm... my birth name.
Time to go back and read my former posts and criticize myself because they probably all suck.
Also, giveaway! There's a huge giveaway going on, hosted by RayKayBooks and Live to Read. If you don't win books, you have a choice between a t-shirt, mouse pad or notebook with a design created by RKB. Check it out here, and enter! 60 entries maximum. This is really awesome, you guys. http://www.rafflecopter.com/rafl/display/21bd26160/
Go ahead and enter. Right now. Noowwww, I say; if you looks books, that is. And the link to Krystal's giveaway of 250+ books daily is over here: http://livetoread-krystal.blogspot.com/2014/01/250-book-giveaway-introduction.html
Have funnnn.
-Avy
2012/11/14
FtM Trans: Natural Transitioning Tips/Techniques
Hi, everyone! Matt here.
So, I don't usually post anything related to me being trans', and transitioning (since there isn't any transition at the moment)... but I feel like I should. It just might help someone else who has unsupportive parents and is too young to drive to a place themselves to get HRT, etc...
So, how many of you have unsupportive parents? I know I do. My entire family (except for the ones who don't know) is against me on this so I'm on the road alone. Its hard, but I survive (Just like in Fallout NV when I was on the road in the wasteland alone!). Maybe you're too young to drive somewhere to get HRT or even SRS. Or maybe you're old enough to drive, but you prefer to have or need to have a parent/guardian with you if you're under 18.
Well, since we're in the same boat (maybe), I'm gonna help y'all out if I can. It is possible to do a natural transition.
Now, I don't know if this is just ironically for me, or if it may work for others. You can decide that for yourself.
Okay. So, I was "blessed" with a naturally deeper-than-usual voice. Throughout the years, its actually gotten deeper. My mom's friend said "Its starting to sound more womanly" but in reality, it wasn't. It was just getting deeper! And you know, with daily practice, you can get your voice preeetttty deep yourself. For me, I'm not entirely sure how it happened, it just did. I've gradually lowered it from time to time purposely and its deepened a bit on its own. I sing, as well, so obviously I want my voice lower for that so it doesn't sound girly. I've gotten some lower-pitched songs and practiced singing them. My voice isn't low enough for my liking, but still! Honestly, though... About 2-3 years ago, when we first moved into this house, I went upstairs to sing in the empty room. First time ever trying to sing and upload it to YouTube, okay? And honestly? My God, my voice was high. Like, it was at least 5 pitches higher than it is now. I could sing Vocaloid songs (for example) in a very high, feminine voice. Nobody would believe me if I said "Hey, I'm a guy! But this is my voice!" And now? Take 9 Crimes for example. Damien sings it decently low-ish. Well, I think I sang one octave lower than that. So you can tell how low my voice can get.
First time I skyped with my friend Sam, I said something and she froze and was like, "Ohhh my God! Your voice! Oh my fucking God. That is the lowest voice I've ever heard for a pre-T trans' person."
That was quite the compliment! :) So... Most ftm-trans' people unfortunately have very feminine voices. So you can kind of guess the depth of my voice.
So, just practice lowering it with techniques on a daily basis, and trust me, it will lower. If you're sick, it will lower. Hey! I have strep throat right now (Its either strep throat or tonsillitis. The symptoms are too similar so I can't tell which it is) and I woke up after 3 hours only, intense heartburn, burning throat, and I had lost my voice. I tried talking and the little bits that came out? Dear God, it was the lowest my voice has ever gotten. I mean, it was low. I almost wished my voice would permanently stay that way (but i know if it did, then it meant I had eternally-fucked-up vocal chords).
Another little technique that I've noticed. Inhalers are generally used for people with asthma or people with breathing problems (such as myself) and I discovered the other day, when my throat was really tight and I couldn't swallow, that when I take an inhaler (1-4 puffs), my throat opens a lot more. Obviously... that's what an inhaler does. But~! My voice lowered because it was more open. So, I wouldn't recommend taking an inhaler unless you actually need it, but they do open your throat and vocal chords more.
If my throat didn't hurt so much and I didn't sound so nasally, I would sing every low-pitched song I've ever wanted to sing right now. My voice is significantly lower. Even right now, its pretty low. o.o Not as low as when I temporarily lost my voice, but its definitely 2 or 3 pitches lower than my natural voice.
So that's that.
As for other things... I'm not entirely sure why. Do female bodies have a tiny bit of testosterone? Testosterone is a male hormone, but... its been said that females have a little bit of it in them, too. Only a tiny bit, though. Well... Somehow, being masculine and forcing it every day for the past 2 or 3 years, well... I don't mean to be explicit, but... The hair on my legs, thighs, pelvic region, arms, and (very thin hair here) stomach grows increasingly fast. I can shave one day, and it'll be back to about one centimetre long or so 4-6 days later. Also, I've noticed, the more heat you keep on your legs, the faster the hair grows. I always wear socks, and whenever I have a shower, I notice that my leg down to my ankle where my sock was previously, there's a lot more hair there than there is higher up. :P
Still, not too big of a fan of body hair... so I prefer to be clean shaven, but its annoying to shave so often.
Oh! Shall I bring up the 'moustache' and 'beard'? For awhile now, hair has been growing on my chin. Not a lot.. its usually only about 7 or 8 little hairs maximum, but they're about 1cm long 2 weeks after shaving it off or plucking it out. And the "peach fuzz"? I've been letting it grow for quite some time. But about a week ago, I decided to "shave" it off. I was clean-shaven ;) .... But oh my God. Its grown right back to how long it was before, and a tad thicker, only a week or so later. The hair isn't long, but its thicker and definitely visible. o.o
My skin is becoming a bit more oily and rough, too. These are all signs of being on testosterone! But I'm not on T shots yet. o.O So what the hell, guys?
I can't explain that, but... Try shaving your little 'peach fuzz' off. See if it grows back. It will grow back a tad thicker, believe it or not.
Now... One more tip. There's this stuff by Natural Remedies. On the little bottle, it says "Fertile XY". Its supposed to increase, yet normalize natural testosterone levels and induce fertile ability (and its recommended for your female partner to take the Fertile XX to induce fertility or something). Okay, it says nothing about testosterone being in it. I don't think they'd sell bottles of testosterone on store shelves. That's prescription-only (Hence, why I'm not getting HRT yet).
But... There's something about it! You get a glass of water (preferably 8oz. so you can't taste the stuff) and you put 15-20 drops in the water. Mix it up and drink it. Its recommended to do it 3 times daily but I don't do it that often. Well, what I've discovered...?
This stuff works. Even for ftm-trans' people who aren't on T or getting SRS yet. I don't know why but it works. I've only had it twice in the past 5-8 days, but... I've gotta tell ya. Its made a voice a teeny tiny bit lower (barely), its made hair grow quicker (body hair I mean. Its caused the little 'moustache' to grow a lot faster), and... I don't mean to set anybody off, but... Holy shit, my libido is sky-rocketing (compared to how it usually is). Seriously. On average, (sorry, don't mean to be personal and explicit, but...) I 'get off' maybe... once every other night to three times a week or so. It all depends / varies. But Jesus Christ, guys. I'm serious. Two nights ago, I 'got off' three fricken times in one hour. I was just so damn horny. ;__;
So, if you want some natural transition goin' on, practice on lowering your voice daily. Not once a month. Do it every day or at least twice a week. And do everything possible that's considered masculine. It helps. I don't know why, but it does. And consider trying out that Natural Remedies Fertile XY stuff. It does wonders for some odd reason. :P
I wish you all luck! And hopefully you can all get on HRT and get SRS soon (as well as myself! I'm sending my dad a letter, hoping he can accept me and take me to St Catharines. By the way, if you're in Ontario, screw Toronto. Go to St Catharines to Quest. They're amazing. I had a few trans' friends who have gone there and they all say they're amazing, friendly, 100% supportive and accepting and will help you through anything.)
Bye, everyone :)
~Matt
So, I don't usually post anything related to me being trans', and transitioning (since there isn't any transition at the moment)... but I feel like I should. It just might help someone else who has unsupportive parents and is too young to drive to a place themselves to get HRT, etc...
So, how many of you have unsupportive parents? I know I do. My entire family (except for the ones who don't know) is against me on this so I'm on the road alone. Its hard, but I survive (Just like in Fallout NV when I was on the road in the wasteland alone!). Maybe you're too young to drive somewhere to get HRT or even SRS. Or maybe you're old enough to drive, but you prefer to have or need to have a parent/guardian with you if you're under 18.
Well, since we're in the same boat (maybe), I'm gonna help y'all out if I can. It is possible to do a natural transition.
Now, I don't know if this is just ironically for me, or if it may work for others. You can decide that for yourself.
Okay. So, I was "blessed" with a naturally deeper-than-usual voice. Throughout the years, its actually gotten deeper. My mom's friend said "Its starting to sound more womanly" but in reality, it wasn't. It was just getting deeper! And you know, with daily practice, you can get your voice preeetttty deep yourself. For me, I'm not entirely sure how it happened, it just did. I've gradually lowered it from time to time purposely and its deepened a bit on its own. I sing, as well, so obviously I want my voice lower for that so it doesn't sound girly. I've gotten some lower-pitched songs and practiced singing them. My voice isn't low enough for my liking, but still! Honestly, though... About 2-3 years ago, when we first moved into this house, I went upstairs to sing in the empty room. First time ever trying to sing and upload it to YouTube, okay? And honestly? My God, my voice was high. Like, it was at least 5 pitches higher than it is now. I could sing Vocaloid songs (for example) in a very high, feminine voice. Nobody would believe me if I said "Hey, I'm a guy! But this is my voice!" And now? Take 9 Crimes for example. Damien sings it decently low-ish. Well, I think I sang one octave lower than that. So you can tell how low my voice can get.
First time I skyped with my friend Sam, I said something and she froze and was like, "Ohhh my God! Your voice! Oh my fucking God. That is the lowest voice I've ever heard for a pre-T trans' person."
That was quite the compliment! :) So... Most ftm-trans' people unfortunately have very feminine voices. So you can kind of guess the depth of my voice.
So, just practice lowering it with techniques on a daily basis, and trust me, it will lower. If you're sick, it will lower. Hey! I have strep throat right now (Its either strep throat or tonsillitis. The symptoms are too similar so I can't tell which it is) and I woke up after 3 hours only, intense heartburn, burning throat, and I had lost my voice. I tried talking and the little bits that came out? Dear God, it was the lowest my voice has ever gotten. I mean, it was low. I almost wished my voice would permanently stay that way (but i know if it did, then it meant I had eternally-fucked-up vocal chords).
Another little technique that I've noticed. Inhalers are generally used for people with asthma or people with breathing problems (such as myself) and I discovered the other day, when my throat was really tight and I couldn't swallow, that when I take an inhaler (1-4 puffs), my throat opens a lot more. Obviously... that's what an inhaler does. But~! My voice lowered because it was more open. So, I wouldn't recommend taking an inhaler unless you actually need it, but they do open your throat and vocal chords more.
If my throat didn't hurt so much and I didn't sound so nasally, I would sing every low-pitched song I've ever wanted to sing right now. My voice is significantly lower. Even right now, its pretty low. o.o Not as low as when I temporarily lost my voice, but its definitely 2 or 3 pitches lower than my natural voice.
So that's that.
As for other things... I'm not entirely sure why. Do female bodies have a tiny bit of testosterone? Testosterone is a male hormone, but... its been said that females have a little bit of it in them, too. Only a tiny bit, though. Well... Somehow, being masculine and forcing it every day for the past 2 or 3 years, well... I don't mean to be explicit, but... The hair on my legs, thighs, pelvic region, arms, and (very thin hair here) stomach grows increasingly fast. I can shave one day, and it'll be back to about one centimetre long or so 4-6 days later. Also, I've noticed, the more heat you keep on your legs, the faster the hair grows. I always wear socks, and whenever I have a shower, I notice that my leg down to my ankle where my sock was previously, there's a lot more hair there than there is higher up. :P
Still, not too big of a fan of body hair... so I prefer to be clean shaven, but its annoying to shave so often.
Oh! Shall I bring up the 'moustache' and 'beard'? For awhile now, hair has been growing on my chin. Not a lot.. its usually only about 7 or 8 little hairs maximum, but they're about 1cm long 2 weeks after shaving it off or plucking it out. And the "peach fuzz"? I've been letting it grow for quite some time. But about a week ago, I decided to "shave" it off. I was clean-shaven ;) .... But oh my God. Its grown right back to how long it was before, and a tad thicker, only a week or so later. The hair isn't long, but its thicker and definitely visible. o.o
My skin is becoming a bit more oily and rough, too. These are all signs of being on testosterone! But I'm not on T shots yet. o.O So what the hell, guys?
I can't explain that, but... Try shaving your little 'peach fuzz' off. See if it grows back. It will grow back a tad thicker, believe it or not.
Now... One more tip. There's this stuff by Natural Remedies. On the little bottle, it says "Fertile XY". Its supposed to increase, yet normalize natural testosterone levels and induce fertile ability (and its recommended for your female partner to take the Fertile XX to induce fertility or something). Okay, it says nothing about testosterone being in it. I don't think they'd sell bottles of testosterone on store shelves. That's prescription-only (Hence, why I'm not getting HRT yet).
But... There's something about it! You get a glass of water (preferably 8oz. so you can't taste the stuff) and you put 15-20 drops in the water. Mix it up and drink it. Its recommended to do it 3 times daily but I don't do it that often. Well, what I've discovered...?
This stuff works. Even for ftm-trans' people who aren't on T or getting SRS yet. I don't know why but it works. I've only had it twice in the past 5-8 days, but... I've gotta tell ya. Its made a voice a teeny tiny bit lower (barely), its made hair grow quicker (body hair I mean. Its caused the little 'moustache' to grow a lot faster), and... I don't mean to set anybody off, but... Holy shit, my libido is sky-rocketing (compared to how it usually is). Seriously. On average, (sorry, don't mean to be personal and explicit, but...) I 'get off' maybe... once every other night to three times a week or so. It all depends / varies. But Jesus Christ, guys. I'm serious. Two nights ago, I 'got off' three fricken times in one hour. I was just so damn horny. ;__;
So, if you want some natural transition goin' on, practice on lowering your voice daily. Not once a month. Do it every day or at least twice a week. And do everything possible that's considered masculine. It helps. I don't know why, but it does. And consider trying out that Natural Remedies Fertile XY stuff. It does wonders for some odd reason. :P
I wish you all luck! And hopefully you can all get on HRT and get SRS soon (as well as myself! I'm sending my dad a letter, hoping he can accept me and take me to St Catharines. By the way, if you're in Ontario, screw Toronto. Go to St Catharines to Quest. They're amazing. I had a few trans' friends who have gone there and they all say they're amazing, friendly, 100% supportive and accepting and will help you through anything.)
Bye, everyone :)
~Matt
2012/09/01
2012 Apocalypse Bullshit
Its been quite awhile since I posted anything, but I have something to talk about now.
The people who honestly believe that the world as we know it, Earth, the planet full of humanity- will end as of December 21, 2012.
Who started that, anyway? Really, who decided "Oh, my God, the world will end on this exact day, okay guys? Spread the news because I say so."? Somebody going insane, perhaps. A complete idiot said it, in my opinion.
No man can predict the 'end of time', if there even is such a thing.
Some say, "Oh, the Mayan calendar ends in 2012 in December. That means we're going to die." Really? Really. Okay then.
So you're going to spend hundreds, thousands, billions of dollars to build up some "safe house" and save canned food and buy weapons and baggage and extra clothes to "fight off the apocalypse"? Good luck with that. Don't blame the government, others, the world itself... for you becoming dirt poor. That's your own fucking fault.
You're also going to believe a bunch of so-called scientists who decide that because of their "technology", that God doesn't exist, that humans came from monkeys, that the moon is moving away, that the sun will crash into the earth, that life will end... ? How fucking stupid can you get. I'm not saying God exists, but I'm not saying he doesn't exist, either. No one can prove that. No one.
So while you guys are spending every last penny to save yourselves through this apparent apocalypse, I'm going to be drinking coffee and going on killing sprees in Call of Duty, blasting music and nomming some tasty food, okay? I'll turn it into a party, even! All are welcome. :)
Seriously, though.
Stop being so fucking naive.
And have a nice day~
~Matt
The people who honestly believe that the world as we know it, Earth, the planet full of humanity- will end as of December 21, 2012.
Who started that, anyway? Really, who decided "Oh, my God, the world will end on this exact day, okay guys? Spread the news because I say so."? Somebody going insane, perhaps. A complete idiot said it, in my opinion.
No man can predict the 'end of time', if there even is such a thing.
Some say, "Oh, the Mayan calendar ends in 2012 in December. That means we're going to die." Really? Really. Okay then.
So you're going to spend hundreds, thousands, billions of dollars to build up some "safe house" and save canned food and buy weapons and baggage and extra clothes to "fight off the apocalypse"? Good luck with that. Don't blame the government, others, the world itself... for you becoming dirt poor. That's your own fucking fault.
You're also going to believe a bunch of so-called scientists who decide that because of their "technology", that God doesn't exist, that humans came from monkeys, that the moon is moving away, that the sun will crash into the earth, that life will end... ? How fucking stupid can you get. I'm not saying God exists, but I'm not saying he doesn't exist, either. No one can prove that. No one.
So while you guys are spending every last penny to save yourselves through this apparent apocalypse, I'm going to be drinking coffee and going on killing sprees in Call of Duty, blasting music and nomming some tasty food, okay? I'll turn it into a party, even! All are welcome. :)
Seriously, though.
Stop being so fucking naive.
And have a nice day~
~Matt
2012/06/12
Long Walks and Short Bridges
Do you ever feel like taking a long walk off a short bridge? Most people tell somebody they don't like to do such a thing, but do you ever tell yourself that?
Right now, that's what I feel like doing. Walking horizontally on a vertical bridge until I fall off and hopefully drown to my death.
Oh, and I tend to give others advice and it often works for them, but I never take my own advice on anything, even if our situations are exactly the same.
This is more like a rant instead of a basic blog post. I just feel really ignored right now, and so, I want to take a long- very long- walk off of a very short bridge, whether it be over water or a busy road with oncoming trucks and speeding cars.
I feel alone, I feel single. It hasn't even been two full days and I feel 100% single, 100% alone, 100% like he never asked me out again. Maybe its because I've gotten so used to never speaking to anybody I was close to [except for two best friends but they're not on very often], that when Kris asked me out again, I felt like I'd have someone to talk to more, someone who'd be there.
That wasn't the case at all. First day, we were talking, and he called me and it was sweet. Last night he ignored me for four hours and I can only imagine what he was doing... He hasn't bothered to call, he hasn't said 'I love you'. In fact, he's acting just like he did when we were pretty much enemies for awhile. Distant, avoidant, slightly rude and adamant on many things. He always says I'm the adamant, stubborn one... but that's not the case this time. Its the other way around and I feel like I'm forever alone.
No, I'm not being dramatic, I'm not looking for attention and I'm not trying to copy a meme because I'm "sad". I just feel really alone on this right now because he's an hour away, would fuck just about anyone, has a too-high sex drive, and has people who he'd gladly fuck in seconds... and he's ignoring me completely.
In the past, when he ignored me, he was cuddling with and sucking off another man. Relationships are love, trust, respect and commitment and communication. But I can't really trust him to not be doing anything at this point because I know there was another person in the city he lives in who he really really liked.
Yes. I should trust him, I shouldn't be thinking the worst, and I should be fairly okay with him doing whatever he wants... but sadly enough, it annoys me, it irritates me, it angers me, it frustrates me and it worries me when he suddenly stops talking to me, ignores me for a couple hours, then comes back and acts like nothing happened but then starts acting odd again a few minutes later.
I try to think better- Like, perhaps he's doing homework. Or perhaps he's playing a game. Or perhaps he's taking a nap or chilling with people or gone for a walk. But before, back in July2011 - November, we talked fairly often and we didn't send each other one-word texts or an "Oh lol" when I say I'm in pain.
Am I really with the one I claimed to love forever?
This turned out to be more of a loneliness rant than a long-walk-off-a-short-bridge thing.
I'm sorry, I... Just needed to get it out.
~Matt
Right now, that's what I feel like doing. Walking horizontally on a vertical bridge until I fall off and hopefully drown to my death.
Oh, and I tend to give others advice and it often works for them, but I never take my own advice on anything, even if our situations are exactly the same.
This is more like a rant instead of a basic blog post. I just feel really ignored right now, and so, I want to take a long- very long- walk off of a very short bridge, whether it be over water or a busy road with oncoming trucks and speeding cars.
I feel alone, I feel single. It hasn't even been two full days and I feel 100% single, 100% alone, 100% like he never asked me out again. Maybe its because I've gotten so used to never speaking to anybody I was close to [except for two best friends but they're not on very often], that when Kris asked me out again, I felt like I'd have someone to talk to more, someone who'd be there.
That wasn't the case at all. First day, we were talking, and he called me and it was sweet. Last night he ignored me for four hours and I can only imagine what he was doing... He hasn't bothered to call, he hasn't said 'I love you'. In fact, he's acting just like he did when we were pretty much enemies for awhile. Distant, avoidant, slightly rude and adamant on many things. He always says I'm the adamant, stubborn one... but that's not the case this time. Its the other way around and I feel like I'm forever alone.
No, I'm not being dramatic, I'm not looking for attention and I'm not trying to copy a meme because I'm "sad". I just feel really alone on this right now because he's an hour away, would fuck just about anyone, has a too-high sex drive, and has people who he'd gladly fuck in seconds... and he's ignoring me completely.
In the past, when he ignored me, he was cuddling with and sucking off another man. Relationships are love, trust, respect and commitment and communication. But I can't really trust him to not be doing anything at this point because I know there was another person in the city he lives in who he really really liked.
Yes. I should trust him, I shouldn't be thinking the worst, and I should be fairly okay with him doing whatever he wants... but sadly enough, it annoys me, it irritates me, it angers me, it frustrates me and it worries me when he suddenly stops talking to me, ignores me for a couple hours, then comes back and acts like nothing happened but then starts acting odd again a few minutes later.
I try to think better- Like, perhaps he's doing homework. Or perhaps he's playing a game. Or perhaps he's taking a nap or chilling with people or gone for a walk. But before, back in July2011 - November, we talked fairly often and we didn't send each other one-word texts or an "Oh lol" when I say I'm in pain.
Am I really with the one I claimed to love forever?
This turned out to be more of a loneliness rant than a long-walk-off-a-short-bridge thing.
I'm sorry, I... Just needed to get it out.
~Matt
2012/06/11
Multilingualism and How I Did It
Multilingualism is a useful skill, and its fun to get into it. Yes, I'm multilingual. Being Canadian, I naturally know English and French, but I also decided to teach myself Japanese, and later work on some Chinese, Latin, Italian and Swedish, as well as the small bit of German.
As of right now, I know English, French, Japanese [but I have forgotten quite a bit] and Swedish. I'm also currently planning on learning Spanish.
Being capable of speaking multiple languages is very exciting, and it can come in handy. Usually, I use it just for fun and to understand others, but sometimes I do it so people don't understand what I'm saying. Its like when part of you wants the person to know what you're saying, but at the same time, you want to be secretive. Because of that, I like to say things in different languages like Swedish, Latin or French.
Moving on- a lot of people seem to be amazed when I tell them I can speak these different languages. It gives me satisfaction and a sense of accomplishment. But they always ask how I did it.
Well, I'll tell you, and maybe you can learn the same way!
I learned French obviously through nine year of school because its required in Canada, but let me tell you this. I started learning French in the middle of grade three, actually. So that was easy.
But how did I learn Japanese? I started looking up online courses. I found emailed courses from Rocket Japanese. That was the first place I started to learn it from, and then I started to check out other online, free courses. Also, watching a lot of anime helped, as well as speaking to a Japanese person. My best friend and I discovered this Japanese game AiSp@ce. Its shut down now, but.. The game was entirely Japanese. Nobody in the game spoke English except for my friend and I and some others who never play. I gained friends and I had full-out Japanese conversations with one of the closer friends I made. That was one way to continue learning Japanese.
If you can manage to go to Japanese for school as a foreign exchange student or move there, you'll learn Japanese very quickly. :)
Now, about the Swedish! I learned some from -in my opinion- the most amazing Swede I know. Pewdiepie! I learned from him when he spoke Swedish but I also learned previously from a movie and so I started to look up courses on that, too. It was very easy to learn a decent amount of Swedish. :)
It could just be another natural talent I have, to be able to learn another language so quickly and easily, but... its really not that hard.
Try it. :)
And have fun with it!
~Matt
As of right now, I know English, French, Japanese [but I have forgotten quite a bit] and Swedish. I'm also currently planning on learning Spanish.
Being capable of speaking multiple languages is very exciting, and it can come in handy. Usually, I use it just for fun and to understand others, but sometimes I do it so people don't understand what I'm saying. Its like when part of you wants the person to know what you're saying, but at the same time, you want to be secretive. Because of that, I like to say things in different languages like Swedish, Latin or French.
Moving on- a lot of people seem to be amazed when I tell them I can speak these different languages. It gives me satisfaction and a sense of accomplishment. But they always ask how I did it.
Well, I'll tell you, and maybe you can learn the same way!
I learned French obviously through nine year of school because its required in Canada, but let me tell you this. I started learning French in the middle of grade three, actually. So that was easy.
But how did I learn Japanese? I started looking up online courses. I found emailed courses from Rocket Japanese. That was the first place I started to learn it from, and then I started to check out other online, free courses. Also, watching a lot of anime helped, as well as speaking to a Japanese person. My best friend and I discovered this Japanese game AiSp@ce. Its shut down now, but.. The game was entirely Japanese. Nobody in the game spoke English except for my friend and I and some others who never play. I gained friends and I had full-out Japanese conversations with one of the closer friends I made. That was one way to continue learning Japanese.
If you can manage to go to Japanese for school as a foreign exchange student or move there, you'll learn Japanese very quickly. :)
Now, about the Swedish! I learned some from -in my opinion- the most amazing Swede I know. Pewdiepie! I learned from him when he spoke Swedish but I also learned previously from a movie and so I started to look up courses on that, too. It was very easy to learn a decent amount of Swedish. :)
It could just be another natural talent I have, to be able to learn another language so quickly and easily, but... its really not that hard.
Try it. :)
And have fun with it!
~Matt
Unconditional Love?
Good morning, Matt here. Its 4am, but that's okay, I can write this quickly.
So my question will be stated in this blog and its to everybody out there in the world, okay? So, I'm curious. Have you ever fallen in love, started a relationship, broke up, got back together, broke up again, got back together a second again, and broke up a third time... and then a few months pass and you're back together again, but this time, forever, no matter what? I mean, has something like that ever happened to you? Where the two of you are so in love that your break-ups are just short times apart from each other. Almost like a little break... But you always get back together because you're that in love?
Let me tell you. Its happened to me and it is happening. Some would say its an unhealthy relationship, but... if you really think about it, I mean, really read through the lines, it could be strong in an unimaginable way. What do I mean exactly?
I'll tell you what I mean. I mean that being apart makes you miss that person, right? The same thing happens during on-going relationships, especially if you're a teenager or young adult and you're just dating. You talk to your boyfriend or girlfriend, you're both happy. The next day, say you have to go out of town for the day or you leave your phone off or you're going shopping and decide to technically cut off contact with your girl/boyfriend. Yes, your partner might think you're being rude, but in fact, it makes them miss you and vice versa. If you two never miss each other and you're always around each other, you're gonna get bored. Even married people do this sometimes.
So, moving on from that, now that you -hopefully- understand what I'm talking about. So what's my situation? I've mentioned Kris before, right? If not, I'll tell you how things happened.
Only July 1, 2011, Kris and I met on a chatting site typically for people aged 13 - 19 [but there are some older than that]. We talked for hours and became very acquainted. It was an instant click. On July 2, around midnight or so, Kris asked me out. I was shocked because no one had asked me out before, except my friend Brent back when I was eleven years old, which was too young... So I accepted immediately. Bad idea? Not in the least! We became amazing friends, and we got closer and closer, knowing everything about each other. One day, around the end of September, he tried to commit suicide. I could've literally fallen and passed out, I was so tired, but I stayed up for four hours, convincing him to stay alive. It worked entirely after a few weeks of this. Now he doesn't ever consider suicide. What I'm trying to get to, though... He moved here. We were physically together and it was really amazing. By the way, he broke up with me about two weeks before he moved here. We got back together, he moved here, we were together and I loved openly going out with my boyfriend as a guy myself.
Everything was going fine; really fine, actually. On November 2, 2011, he knelt down before me and proposed. I accepted, but our plan for legit marriage wouldn't have happened for another three years. We were both fine with that. However, no more than a month later, he had claimed he felt distant and didn't want to come over anymore and one night, he claimed the "love left him". That night he left, he sat in a different seat in the vehicle away from me but he kissed me twice as hard as possible. Little did I know that that would be the last kiss I got from him.
Kris broke up with me the next evening. I was devastated. I cried and cried and wanted to kill myself.
I started overdosing, and cutting myself really deeply. Deep enough that my arm was dripping with blood. The deepest I've cut has left a very big scar on my forearm and its still extremely visible. Oh, and also, around his time of suicidal-attempts, I carved his name into my arm. Sounds nasty, but... It shows that I would take pain, I would take the suffering... for him. I would do anything for him.
Anyway... months passed. I felt better with time. I was okay. At one point he asked me out and I reluctantly accepted. Yes, reluctantly. I broke up him a week later, feeling like I didn't love him, but that was because my love was still tied to him so much and my depression had destroyed me. I was an emotionless freak for awhile... but then I realized. I realized when my jealousy started up again. That the only person that I do, and have ever loved... was and is Kris.
He was with some new guy [after he'd dated a girl and another guy after me]. We were getting closer and closer, but... an argument occurred and he deleted and blocked me. [He moved an hour away, by the way.]
I... I had a mild heart attack that night. Yes. I'm fifteen... and I had a heart attack because of that. It put me into so much shock, and sadness, and I was terrified. Terrified I'd never again see the face, or hear the voice, or talk to the one I loved more than anything else in the world for eternity. But I waited. The next few days, I had cried maybe once or twice, but I felt like he'd come back.
One night, I was outback at night waiting to go to Tim Hortons to buy my mom coffee. I sat on the sidewalk leading from my house across the grass to the van in the gravel driveway. I laid down and stared up at the sky. Suddenly, something flew past. It looked like a shooting star. I sat up, and I made a wish. I wished that Kris would come back and he would realize how much I love him and we would get together again forever. Seconds later, the star vanished and a huge gust of wind blew past me.
Needless to say.. Kris came back the next day. Around a week later, now... we're back together. A final time. Why do I say final? Because I'm confident it'll last. It feels really really right this time. He told me -excuse the language- he didn't give a fuck anymore, he didn't care what happened, he didn't care if he felt like he fell out of love because he could never stop loving me no matter how hard he's tried... that I was his. Forever. No matter what. You know when you're told that, you feel excited but then it kind of drifts the next day and you soon break up? But do you also know the feeling like you're truly being told the truth and that its really right...? That's what I felt when he told me that. I feel like we'll forever be together no matter what happens.
So, put it this way. Being apart hasn't made us distant -maybe physically / distant-wise, but... not in our hearts-, it made us closer. And stronger. I was strong as a child, but around the age of 13, I was diagnosed with severe depression. It started getting worse and worse. Around 5 months ago, I managed to get rid of my depression. Yes, I got rid of it without doctors help. Anyway- I'm stronger than I have ever been before. I can withstand many things. Yes, there are times in which I may break down. But I am strong. I am... I'm a warrior.
So just think of that. Think of that about your relationships. And think about unconditional love. And... let me know. Have you had a similar situation? Where you've broken up a few times but gotten back together forever? I know there are people out there who have, and who are now happily married, which is amazing.
Now, before I go... Do yourself a favour. Its 5am, now. Wherever you are in the world... Go to your lover, partner, girlfriend, boyfriend, whatever... Give them a big hug, and kiss them tenderly. Hold their hand to your heart, and tell them this: "You will always have a place right here, no matter what."
Trust me.
It's an amazing thing to say. It can even be more amazing to say than "I love you". Just tell them that. :)
Have a beautiful day and if its night for you, have a good night and sweet dreams.
I love you all!
~Matt
So my question will be stated in this blog and its to everybody out there in the world, okay? So, I'm curious. Have you ever fallen in love, started a relationship, broke up, got back together, broke up again, got back together a second again, and broke up a third time... and then a few months pass and you're back together again, but this time, forever, no matter what? I mean, has something like that ever happened to you? Where the two of you are so in love that your break-ups are just short times apart from each other. Almost like a little break... But you always get back together because you're that in love?
Let me tell you. Its happened to me and it is happening. Some would say its an unhealthy relationship, but... if you really think about it, I mean, really read through the lines, it could be strong in an unimaginable way. What do I mean exactly?
I'll tell you what I mean. I mean that being apart makes you miss that person, right? The same thing happens during on-going relationships, especially if you're a teenager or young adult and you're just dating. You talk to your boyfriend or girlfriend, you're both happy. The next day, say you have to go out of town for the day or you leave your phone off or you're going shopping and decide to technically cut off contact with your girl/boyfriend. Yes, your partner might think you're being rude, but in fact, it makes them miss you and vice versa. If you two never miss each other and you're always around each other, you're gonna get bored. Even married people do this sometimes.
So, moving on from that, now that you -hopefully- understand what I'm talking about. So what's my situation? I've mentioned Kris before, right? If not, I'll tell you how things happened.
Only July 1, 2011, Kris and I met on a chatting site typically for people aged 13 - 19 [but there are some older than that]. We talked for hours and became very acquainted. It was an instant click. On July 2, around midnight or so, Kris asked me out. I was shocked because no one had asked me out before, except my friend Brent back when I was eleven years old, which was too young... So I accepted immediately. Bad idea? Not in the least! We became amazing friends, and we got closer and closer, knowing everything about each other. One day, around the end of September, he tried to commit suicide. I could've literally fallen and passed out, I was so tired, but I stayed up for four hours, convincing him to stay alive. It worked entirely after a few weeks of this. Now he doesn't ever consider suicide. What I'm trying to get to, though... He moved here. We were physically together and it was really amazing. By the way, he broke up with me about two weeks before he moved here. We got back together, he moved here, we were together and I loved openly going out with my boyfriend as a guy myself.
Everything was going fine; really fine, actually. On November 2, 2011, he knelt down before me and proposed. I accepted, but our plan for legit marriage wouldn't have happened for another three years. We were both fine with that. However, no more than a month later, he had claimed he felt distant and didn't want to come over anymore and one night, he claimed the "love left him". That night he left, he sat in a different seat in the vehicle away from me but he kissed me twice as hard as possible. Little did I know that that would be the last kiss I got from him.
Kris broke up with me the next evening. I was devastated. I cried and cried and wanted to kill myself.
I started overdosing, and cutting myself really deeply. Deep enough that my arm was dripping with blood. The deepest I've cut has left a very big scar on my forearm and its still extremely visible. Oh, and also, around his time of suicidal-attempts, I carved his name into my arm. Sounds nasty, but... It shows that I would take pain, I would take the suffering... for him. I would do anything for him.
Anyway... months passed. I felt better with time. I was okay. At one point he asked me out and I reluctantly accepted. Yes, reluctantly. I broke up him a week later, feeling like I didn't love him, but that was because my love was still tied to him so much and my depression had destroyed me. I was an emotionless freak for awhile... but then I realized. I realized when my jealousy started up again. That the only person that I do, and have ever loved... was and is Kris.
He was with some new guy [after he'd dated a girl and another guy after me]. We were getting closer and closer, but... an argument occurred and he deleted and blocked me. [He moved an hour away, by the way.]
I... I had a mild heart attack that night. Yes. I'm fifteen... and I had a heart attack because of that. It put me into so much shock, and sadness, and I was terrified. Terrified I'd never again see the face, or hear the voice, or talk to the one I loved more than anything else in the world for eternity. But I waited. The next few days, I had cried maybe once or twice, but I felt like he'd come back.
One night, I was outback at night waiting to go to Tim Hortons to buy my mom coffee. I sat on the sidewalk leading from my house across the grass to the van in the gravel driveway. I laid down and stared up at the sky. Suddenly, something flew past. It looked like a shooting star. I sat up, and I made a wish. I wished that Kris would come back and he would realize how much I love him and we would get together again forever. Seconds later, the star vanished and a huge gust of wind blew past me.
Needless to say.. Kris came back the next day. Around a week later, now... we're back together. A final time. Why do I say final? Because I'm confident it'll last. It feels really really right this time. He told me -excuse the language- he didn't give a fuck anymore, he didn't care what happened, he didn't care if he felt like he fell out of love because he could never stop loving me no matter how hard he's tried... that I was his. Forever. No matter what. You know when you're told that, you feel excited but then it kind of drifts the next day and you soon break up? But do you also know the feeling like you're truly being told the truth and that its really right...? That's what I felt when he told me that. I feel like we'll forever be together no matter what happens.
So, put it this way. Being apart hasn't made us distant -maybe physically / distant-wise, but... not in our hearts-, it made us closer. And stronger. I was strong as a child, but around the age of 13, I was diagnosed with severe depression. It started getting worse and worse. Around 5 months ago, I managed to get rid of my depression. Yes, I got rid of it without doctors help. Anyway- I'm stronger than I have ever been before. I can withstand many things. Yes, there are times in which I may break down. But I am strong. I am... I'm a warrior.
So just think of that. Think of that about your relationships. And think about unconditional love. And... let me know. Have you had a similar situation? Where you've broken up a few times but gotten back together forever? I know there are people out there who have, and who are now happily married, which is amazing.
Now, before I go... Do yourself a favour. Its 5am, now. Wherever you are in the world... Go to your lover, partner, girlfriend, boyfriend, whatever... Give them a big hug, and kiss them tenderly. Hold their hand to your heart, and tell them this: "You will always have a place right here, no matter what."
Trust me.
It's an amazing thing to say. It can even be more amazing to say than "I love you". Just tell them that. :)
Have a beautiful day and if its night for you, have a good night and sweet dreams.
I love you all!
~Matt
2012/06/05
New Plastic Canadian Bills - Opinion
-----So you've heard of the new Canadian currency of bills that's starting. Some bills are already released, such as the $100 bills. I myself held one.. Let me rephrase, I held enough to be up to $4500 worth. Let me say, holding that much money in general felt odd but pretty nice at the same time. However, I have an opinion on it. I realized something about this "plastic" money...
Money can be put into a curved-bend... but it cannot be folded. Not one bit. That's aggravating! And how can one but money into their wallets now? Its not just a fold-and-store-away thing anymore. You can't bend plastic. Yeah, sure, it makes it "impossible" to make fake copies. News flash, nothing's impossible. I can guarantee there will be at least 5 people who find out how to fake this type of money. Its plastic, and there are a lot of plastic companies out there. Anyway.. In my opinion and own mind, I've decided I hate the bills, and the common $5 and $20 bills aren't even out yet. I don't want to live with the idea that I can no longer fold money and if I try, I'll have a broken/destroyed wallet from it being forced into such a... expanded state, the seams, or the metal would burst/break. Or if I put it in my pocket, it may be pretty obvious what's in my pocket- Money. My mom had quite a few plastic bills about a month ago. She could barely fit three into her purse, let alone, say, ten. She couldn't close her wallet. After fifteen minute of fighting to get it shut, it was thr-, no, four times as big as it was before she put just a few bills in there. That's pretty ridiculous if you ask me.
All in all, I'm just saying I hate the idea of plastic money and will hate having plastic money. Paper money can rip, yeah, but it can also be mended and still used because machines will accept them. These plastic- or should I actually say polymer... can also crack. If they're cracked, there about as useful as toilet paper accidentally dropped in water. Despite it being unusually difficult to officially fold it, its actually as thin as tin foil. When there's even the tiniest crack in it, put a hand on one side, pull the other, snap. Its broken in half and you can no longer use it. That says a whole lot, doesn't it?
Here. This is part of an article I found on Yahoo.
"
The Cambridge Times reported one family in the southern Ontario town discovered the bills can melt if put too close to a heat source.
Nicolas Billard's son put eight of the new $100 bills - his Christmas bonus - into a chocolate tin behind a couch near a heater. When he went to retrieve them to deposit in the bank, they'd shriveled.
Billard's mother, Mona, sent the melted money to the Bank of Canada, which will examine it to determine whether it can be redeemed.
"We've never heard of a situation like this," Manuel Parreira, Bank of Canada spokesman for Ontario, told the Times.
Bank currency spokeswoman Julie Girard said the new bills can withstand temperatures down to -61C and boiling water but would melt if exposed to extreme heat. But she added such heat would burn paper.
The Bank of Canada is proceeding with its phased replacement of paper bills with the new polymer models. The plastic $50 is due to be issued in March, with $20, $10 and $50 bills due next year.""
(Yahoo!News, Steve Mertl, 'Durability of Canada's new plastic currency questioned')
Think about it. Just think about it, okay? The paper money is more durable than the plastic stuff. Want more proof? http://www.ctv.ca/CTVNews/Canada/20120119/Manitoba-man-rip-test-exposes-flaw-new-bill-120119/
Want the paper bills back? Sign this petition. http://www.thepetitionsite.com/953/479/694/bring-back-paper-bills-in-canada/
~Matt
Money can be put into a curved-bend... but it cannot be folded. Not one bit. That's aggravating! And how can one but money into their wallets now? Its not just a fold-and-store-away thing anymore. You can't bend plastic. Yeah, sure, it makes it "impossible" to make fake copies. News flash, nothing's impossible. I can guarantee there will be at least 5 people who find out how to fake this type of money. Its plastic, and there are a lot of plastic companies out there. Anyway.. In my opinion and own mind, I've decided I hate the bills, and the common $5 and $20 bills aren't even out yet. I don't want to live with the idea that I can no longer fold money and if I try, I'll have a broken/destroyed wallet from it being forced into such a... expanded state, the seams, or the metal would burst/break. Or if I put it in my pocket, it may be pretty obvious what's in my pocket- Money. My mom had quite a few plastic bills about a month ago. She could barely fit three into her purse, let alone, say, ten. She couldn't close her wallet. After fifteen minute of fighting to get it shut, it was thr-, no, four times as big as it was before she put just a few bills in there. That's pretty ridiculous if you ask me.
All in all, I'm just saying I hate the idea of plastic money and will hate having plastic money. Paper money can rip, yeah, but it can also be mended and still used because machines will accept them. These plastic- or should I actually say polymer... can also crack. If they're cracked, there about as useful as toilet paper accidentally dropped in water. Despite it being unusually difficult to officially fold it, its actually as thin as tin foil. When there's even the tiniest crack in it, put a hand on one side, pull the other, snap. Its broken in half and you can no longer use it. That says a whole lot, doesn't it?
Here. This is part of an article I found on Yahoo.
"
The Cambridge Times reported one family in the southern Ontario town discovered the bills can melt if put too close to a heat source.
Nicolas Billard's son put eight of the new $100 bills - his Christmas bonus - into a chocolate tin behind a couch near a heater. When he went to retrieve them to deposit in the bank, they'd shriveled.
Billard's mother, Mona, sent the melted money to the Bank of Canada, which will examine it to determine whether it can be redeemed.
"We've never heard of a situation like this," Manuel Parreira, Bank of Canada spokesman for Ontario, told the Times.
Bank currency spokeswoman Julie Girard said the new bills can withstand temperatures down to -61C and boiling water but would melt if exposed to extreme heat. But she added such heat would burn paper.
The Bank of Canada is proceeding with its phased replacement of paper bills with the new polymer models. The plastic $50 is due to be issued in March, with $20, $10 and $50 bills due next year.""
(Yahoo!News, Steve Mertl, 'Durability of Canada's new plastic currency questioned')
Think about it. Just think about it, okay? The paper money is more durable than the plastic stuff. Want more proof? http://www.ctv.ca/CTVNews/Canada/20120119/Manitoba-man-rip-test-exposes-flaw-new-bill-120119/
Want the paper bills back? Sign this petition. http://www.thepetitionsite.com/953/479/694/bring-back-paper-bills-in-canada/
~Matt
2012/05/12
Tattoo
Hehehe. Gave myself a tattoo. It was rather fun, I must say.
Yes, it hurt a little. It felt like I was just cutting again. Except I was just continuously poking myself with a needle and letting ink drip in. The pain's gone now :)
And it looks pretty cool.
I just did the transgendered symbol on my left wrist. :) I like it, despite it looking .... you know.. dotty. xD
Heheheheheheheheheheheheheehehehheehehehehehe.
That's all, actually.
I shall now depart and carry on with my Skype call with the most awesome man ever. xD
~Matt
Yes, it hurt a little. It felt like I was just cutting again. Except I was just continuously poking myself with a needle and letting ink drip in. The pain's gone now :)
And it looks pretty cool.
I just did the transgendered symbol on my left wrist. :) I like it, despite it looking .... you know.. dotty. xD
Heheheheheheheheheheheheheehehehheehehehehehe.
That's all, actually.
I shall now depart and carry on with my Skype call with the most awesome man ever. xD
~Matt
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